Night Gave Me Eyes, Yet I Use Them to Seek Light

When the neon glow of the city etches marks of weariness onto my retinas, I always find redemption the moment the stage lights flicker on. Those light beams, precisely sliced by the controller, cascade down like liquid stars, dissolving the cold harshness of the concrete jungle into gentle ripples.

The flickering numbers on the console are another form of poetry—warm light at 3200K wraps around the soreness in my shoulders and neck, while a 0.5° narrow-angle beam pierces through the chaos of my thoughts. As my fingers glide across the dimming wheel, DMX512 signals are translating anxiety into the rhythm of strobing lights. In this moment, I am not just a manipulator of light, but also a light-chasing beast nurtured by the stage, fumbling for my fragmented reflections in the mist of RGB color mixing.

I am most obsessed with the laser beams that suddenly burst forth in the dark. A 3W green light cuts through the darkness, as if splitting open a vent in the oppressive routine of daily life. Amidst the dry ice fog billowing from the smoke machine, light takes on a tangible feel—like silk slipping through my fingers, or an undried dream at 4 am In these instants, even the stage manager's urgent prompts fade into white noise, leaving only the hum of the fixtures' cooling fans resonating in time with my heartbeat.

Perhaps true relaxation lies in becoming a medium for light. When the follow spot casts the shadow of my eyelashes onto the side curtain, when the LED PAR lights douse the tips of my hair in the sunset hue of 2700K, the vitality once crushed by Excel spreadsheets somehow regrows amid the refraction of light paths. In this moment, there are no clients, no KPIs—only the dust particles floating in the light beams, keeping track of this luxurious, electrifying tranquility for me.

During curtain calls, I always intentionally leave one front light on a little longer before dimming it. Let that soft circle of white light act like a band-aid, temporarily sealing away the memories kissed by light tonight. When the sun rises tomorrow, I will still squeeze into the subway with dark circles under my eyes, but deep within my pupils, I will have hidden a sea of light that belongs only to me.